Comments : What if I Die Alone

  • 14 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    Like I said before sometimes simply taking a word out or switching where it is on the line will sound better and flow better. So your first line would sound better as "What if yesterday I had to die alone" because the second line doesn't make sense, maybe "While I was walking on a path astray"

    What if I had to die alone tomorrow,
    With nobody here to ease my sorrow.

    That sounds much better see what I mean. Message me when you fix them up the way you like them and I'll come back to vote the new versions haha