Comments : Moonlit Perspective

  • 11 years ago

    by Mimed Lovette

    Firstly, congrats for the win Mel! XD And secondly, I loved the use of words in here especially this phrase
    "bittersweet daisy chains
    cradled by porcelain butterflies".
    Thirdly, I loved how the repititive use of your final two sentences could evoke different emotions each time I read, which was just fabulous. It is as if you were saying that the person needed you to be able to do something as natural but essential for living, which is 'breathe'. Fantastic job dear!

  • 11 years ago

    by Nee

    Mel, I loved loved loved this poem. It's pretty deep and meaningful.
    Several images drew me in, and I liked your first line the most!
    Very intelligently penned honey. Congrats on the win =)

    Write on~

  • 11 years ago

    by Lu

    Congrats on the win Mel ~hugs~!

    Sometimes it takes a symphony to
    open a solitary mind.
    ^^^
    Dang you are so brilliant. I envy you and your talent ...Grrrrrrrrr lol

    Excellent as always dear heart.

  • 11 years ago

    by Melissa

    Oh Mel, I adore this piece!

    The moonlight blisters my lips;
    unconscious of time.
    Holding oblivion in my palm
    -- uncomfortable silence.
    I watched you collapse upon
    bittersweet daisy chains
    cradled by porcelain butterflies
    I died healing your heart.
    ...breathe.

    ^ Great opening! I especially love the first line, so unexpected. It's difficult to pull the reader in w/only the first line, yet after that iclever line I'm guessing everyone read on.

    I watched you collapse upon
    bittersweet daisy chains
    cradled by porcelain butterflies

    ^ This part here was kind of awkward for me. Specifically these words: bittersweet, porcelain butterflies. I ike to structure and idea behind it, I just feel there are better words, maybe less cliche.

    Everything about that middle stanza is pure perfection. Love it!

    And the ending was nothing less than great.

    Great writing! :)