I feel the passion in your poem. There is a great mood built in it, and you mentioned what I would've commented on anyways. Forced rhyming, uneven lines. Personal advice: Try writing with no rhymes. Where does it say poetry has to rhyme? You have the feel for the poem, and without being restricted to rhyming words, you would do a great job. Take a little bit more time with this one, and it could be great.

Have you heard the song Monster by Skillet? For some reason, it reminds me of it.

Overall good poem. 4/5.