It was a good writee(: maybe you should have your stanzas have to same amount of lines, but thats only a sugestion. there was strong imagery and good plot to it. all in all, great poem(:

What if you wrote this a bit differently? Like this; Tired eyes beg for rest,
but crowded minds deny sleep.
Lying awake long enough,
I'll become unconscious soon enough
That would be ideal.

The rest of the poem I like. The first stanza needs to be a bit more eyecatching. Just try something else, maybe not even what I tried. You'll work it out!