Comments : Never Forget

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I noticed this one had no comments so it made me curious.

    I cherish the day that my depression state gets washed away
    That with every wave brings me clarity and all my fears just fade away

    - This is such a sad yet hopeful beginning to the poem. In one way it is hopeful because you are looking forward into that time, for that day to come. But in another it is sad that you are holding this much pain and just waiting for it to be washed away.

    I want to believe that maybe one day my life will turn around
    I hope and pray I feel something someday other than the hatred that's keeping me down

    - again it starts of with hope for a better day but the sadness lies with the fact you wrote " I want to believe" and not " i do believe " this shows the state of mind you are in and that you are struggling with the idea of the hope.

    I'll continue to feel this sadness that drowns my body with all of this pain
    Just stay happy and smile as you're watching me fall all the while I am going insane

    - this confirms what I suspected, that you are really suffering deeply with the pain and loneliness and that the hope is in the distant so you put on fake smiles and happy faces on the outside for others to see.

    So as the waves role in and washes over me, there's so many things I start to regret
    As I remember what made me feel like this

    - I think the first line of this needs editing, I am not sure. But you have wrote " as the waves role in" then " and washes over me" I think this should be " as the waves role in and wash over me?

    It was you. This I'll never forget

    - your last line is so powerful that it actually annoys me, it makes me angry. Because these people who cause this much pain have no idea of the affcet it can have and how long that damage lasts. It annoys me that in this poem all of this pain is being caused by this person and that is something which you cannot forget. Thats sad and powerful and enraging!

    I liked this and again I think I like it so much because I relate to it. I am glad I browsed through your older poems.