Comments : His words

  • 13 years ago

    by Blissful

    This was so cute Chels!

    "yet not here to take it away"
    ^I felt as if this line didn't belong. It sounded awkward when I read it and just didn't fit into the flow of what you were trying to convey in that stanza.

    "Consumes my every emotion
    like fire engulfing my every thoughts"
    ^Didn't really like the repetition of "every" here but I could truly feel what you were saying.

    "It is then when I am certain"
    ^Hmm I don't really like how this sounds. Perhaps change it to "That is when I am certain" or something along those lines.

    Overall a sweet poem to express your feelings for a certain someone. Nicely done!

  • 13 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Awww.... such a sweet and well-written poem. I liked the expressions you used and how it wasn't obvious what was happening until the last stanza. Beautiful words! Great job :)