Wow. You have no idea how in awe I am of this. This piece is extremely thought provoking and you can take so much from each line.
"I am a modern sonnet"
^It's good to open up a poem with personification, yet is it really necessary to state what you're speaking of? I would have started your poem with 'penned' and let the poem go on from there, while eliminating the first line so it can open more thought and the idea of the poem isn't really given away, yet shadowed by your metaphors instead. Just a thought. I know I've been told this by another poet and it only makes sense.
'the fractures in my spine
lead way to a putrid mind,'
^This line makes me feel like the 'fractures' symbolize either line breaks or punctuation in a sonnet, perhaps?
'whose neurons are overripe;
drunk on colorless wine.'
^This is brilliant wording and makes me think of thoughts that maybe lack meaning?
(my heart was drenched in accolades
who came well before their time.)
^I still don't understand the usage of parenthesis in writing in ways like this. It feels like a side note, maybe it's for more emphasis, not sure.
' may have later been gutted
by a seemingly gutless intruder,
my newly neutered romance
strung up by its spindly heels,
while language rested on my sill,
^I wonder what you mean here, it could mean many things in my mind. You have so many creative lines here though.. 'neutered romance' was amazing. Just a truly unique way of expressing a broken romance, yes?
The ending was so powerful. Loved the little rhyme. It really added something special for me.
I'm just in awe, it's amazing what you come up with, although your poems do come across as abstract and have a lot of metaphoric language in them, it's always interesting to try to discover the true meaning behind the lines.
You amaze me. You inspire me. You are just awesome. I loved so many things about this piece. I'd love to spend like a day in your head I'm sure I'd come out as a rose or something much more beautiful than myself. Nice work as always Nova :] -Nik
8 years ago
by Just a Voice
My surprise at this first reading of your work, is in its welcome.
You write face to face as if chatting over a glass of wine. The obvious 'slings and arrows' are edged by a matter of factness and brushed by humor. There may be a wry smile or two but hey, life aint a free lunch!
I could comment or quote on lines and metaphor but the poem does that so much better itself.
I enjoyed our 'chat', so refreshing.
Your imaginative and passionate.one small critique(and this may just be a matter of taste)is that your imagination and passion should be a tool not an end in itself.what i mean is each stanza seems an exercise in casting your meaning into the most cryptic formulation your talent can muster;as if THAT were what poetry is.of course i may be just a coconut who cant understand what is,more or less,straight forward metaphor in your writing in which case.......pray for me...lol