I like this, i think its really good. simple yet enjoyable to read, a lot enjoyable to actually hear the song i bet. anyways, awesome. keep it rockin! :D

I can see the potential song in this one - as you say in your profile; that's your style/intention with the poems you write.
I'm voting for this of course, but a friendly suggestion? Place the first word "(chorus)" immediately above the verse you intend to use for the chorus.
re:
(chorus)
place verse here

I've played guitar and sung for years, and this is pretty good.