Myryn,

I'm amazed at how easily you changed styles, as I told you, I thought the desert perhaps had a clue to do with me but wouldn't have guessed it was by you.

I adore this, it's beautiful, as everything you write. Actually it's so beautiful it outshines me. I couldn't dare dream of this having anything to do with me. I love how you used red in there, my favorite color. but above all, I love you, gorgeous. Thank you.

Myryn, you paint a beautiful portrait here, full of dazzling imagery. It's no wonder that Nor was thrilled with this. If I was a senior member, I would nominate it. :)

In terms of minor critique: I think the spacing could be changed a bit, the line about the fitted overcoat could be removed, and it is a bit over punctuated.

Perhaps something like this:

She danced
like a fiery flame
in the wind

as the torrid sun
hung like a gold silk cloak
upon her velvety skin

Overall, a great write!!

I noticed you were a well read poet, and it interested me to see what you were about, also i had some poet on her tell me to read your stuff to see how you stand out of all the rest. and i read and see, wicked awsome. lol, good write. a 5/5 indeed. keep it up, and I'll keep reading.

From the PoetryKnight

I thought this Poem really stood out, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The title I was drawn to being a desert dog. Some of the punctuation caught me off guard as well as line breaks. Don't get me wrong, this is a beautiful poem.

She danced, a fiery flame
in the Wind,
and a torrid Sun
hung a gold silk cloak,
a fitted overcoat,
upon her velvety skin.
Refined by fire
of Ancient tales;
A vision of Pele,
only more fair.
Well-haughnting,
well-told,
in shades of red
she exuded.
A full blown bloom-
well-perfumed
her soft dewy petals;
Lips sealed in form
and fragrant still.

This poem is definitely full of fire, just like Nor. I liked the way you tried to mimic her style. It's something new from you, although I sometimes miss your old style.

The first stanza is full of vivid imagery, but you have to watch out with it, as you don't want to make use of different words to describe the same thing. I'm aware you're trying to keep the element of fire in there, but the way you've structured them now doesn't allow the reader to truly grasp the meaning of your imagery. They are just astonished by its beauty but you don't want your readers to be so superficial upon reading a deep poem about a deep person, don't you? ;)

That's why I suggest changing it to something like this. To separate the several images so they all possess their own individual worth:

"She danced, a fiery flame
in the Wind,
while a torrid Sun
hung a golden silk cloak
like a fitted overcoat
'pon her velvety skin"
^ It makes more sense syntax-wise. I've been pondering about the fourth and fifth line, though. I wonder whether it would be beneficial to omit either of them, because they basically say the same thing. They're just an extension and I'm not sure whether you need this. Plus, it pretty much ruins the flow as this stanza has become a huge sentence.

I don't have much criticism about the rest of the poem. I love the honest tone which you seem to behold in every poem you write. I also adore the repetition of "well-..." which adds a positive air to the poem.

Well done. :)

Myryn-
Wonderful write!
The imagery here was amazing,
the words really stood out.

Very beautiful,
I thank you for posting this. (:
Please continue to dazzle us with your extraordinary talent.

This was recommended reading by a fan of yours and I must say he was right. A wonderful piece of poetry
Connie