To me didn't have a really good flow but tbh it might be cause I'm not used to this sort of poetry you have got talent tho keep it up man

The structure may not be what we're used to but i like the fact that it's different. Makes it really unique! The imagery you used underlined your message perfectly and it encourages the reader to think, which i personally like. I rather think about it myself than read someone stating the obvious. I also thought it was good that you actually directed it to the reader by asking 'Do you? Can you?'. I like your way of thinking :)