Comments : Who am i?

  • 12 years ago

    by Liliana

    Really Good, love the way you put the story ant the words together, everything makes sense 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni

    I never knew my father[,] I never knew my mother
    I don't have any sisters, I don't have a brother
    I was adopted from birth I fell from the sky
    And it left me with one question "who am I".

    ^ I just changed new to knew, not trying to be a smartass though ;) I like the way you started this poem. You are not telling too much just yet and leave the reader with the thought of having a story told by a normal human who has been adopted and is now looking for his past, his actual family and himself.

    With Super human strength, oblivious to gravity
    Faster then a speeding bullet "is it all insanity"
    From freezing breath to scolding hot eyes
    I have to hide who I really am, wear a disguise.

    ^ Making the speaker describe his skills and qualities gives the reader a hint who you're talking about. I'd recommend you to change the title though, since it gives away the end already.

    I'm a well mannered reporter that's all you see
    An everyday normal guy but this isn't really me
    I need to be this man to keep my loved ones safe
    If my enemys found out, there life would be erased.

    ^ This stanza first shows that the speaker has two sides: one the humans know and another he needs to protect the ones he loves. This seems to be a good junction to the next stanza.

    I'm in love with a woman, but we can never be
    She's in love with the hidden part, which is inside me
    If only I could tell her, "I'm one and the same"
    If only we could be to ease each others pain.

    ^ This shows the human side of the speaker, that he's able to love like everybody else is. The emotions you described seem to fit perfectly to the situation he has to deal with. It's always tough telling the loved one how you feel, yet it seems to be even tougher when you've got two "selfs" and they fall for the "wrong one".

    Im called the man of steel im known for my uniqueness
    Im not invincible for kryptonite is my weakness
    Im torn between these lives I need to be set free
    I need to no who am I "which one is the real me ".

    ^ This is a really nice ending: naming the speaker, like this the reader knows whether he was right with his guess. It also reminds the reader of the conflict the speaker has to deal with.
    Flow and rhyme were perfect like usually ;) You did well!

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    Wow.. It's like a psycho-thriller movie!
    I so like it..

    Especially the rhyming, and the smooth pace, the vague opening and the closing ;)

    Well done TONY.. You seem an amazing poet..
    And I agree with every word that JENNI said ;)

    Keep it up.. You're one of my faves now :D

  • 12 years ago

    by Heather

    If superman wrote poetry...it would be JUST like this :) 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    It's a bird It's a plane IT"S Tony :-)
    really different your imagination is wicked cool.

  • 12 years ago

    by empty inside

    I love this =D

  • 12 years ago

    by Half Husband Half father

    Clean, simple n rhythmic... Awesme...

  • 12 years ago

    by Half Husband Half father

    Clean, simple n rhythmic... Awesme...

  • 12 years ago

    by FEMI AKANBI

    Awesome. I've to commend the way u narrated d superman story in short simple story.

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    This is very unique, I like it a lot. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Lemon

    You have some really good rhymes in here. I like how the reader is kept guessing until the final stanza where you give subtle clues to let the reader know who the narrator is. You conveyed the difficulty of living a dual life here, and the frustration that it causes (or at least I presume it causes, I don't live a double life *shifty eyes*). 5/5 :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Marcy Lewis

    I love reading the poems where the man is the one with the insecurity, and he wishes he could disclose the fact to someone that he's not as strong as he appears. His past does upset him. His thoughts aren't always of brute strength and hope and protection.

    "I was adopted from birth I fell from the sky"

    Minus the punctuation error, this line just is so sad. It makes me feel like the speaker has no idea where he belongs, or comes from. :c

    (>^.^)> hug. <3