Comments : The ocean waxes and wanes

  • 12 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Fabulous!

    Preliminary Spell checking:
    line ... change ... to
    8 ... 'you're self-up' ... 'yourself up'
    12 ... 'Though' ... 'through'
    13 ... 'Though' ... 'through' or 'to'
    14 ... 'tress' ... 'trees'

    You might also consider not capitalizing every line unless it begins a new sentence, or you wish to emphasize it.

    As the ocean waxes and wanes
    And as the sky turns dark again
    And as the sun turns to moon
    And as the stars cry out to you
    ^^^ Wonderful use of mixed allusions that build into a crescendo of super worldly action.

    give you're self-up
    To the shadows that hide in your eyes
    ^^^yes, from the eternal orbs to the internal orbs, subtle and effective

    To the everlasting noise inside
    Rather look in the mirror
    Though that disguise
    Look though the past to find your self
    ^^^ creative development of a philosophy

    Look to the tress whispering in the wind
    Look to all your thoughts that you hide within
    ^^^ focusing on the central creative force

    And when you find
    The one thought
    That will forever and always
    Make you fall apart
    ^^^ what we believe to be our strength is actually the error to which we cling

    Rip it out and cast it aside
    Across your heart
    Across the sea
    ^^^ Jungian-Buddhist response to illusion

    And it will be
    That your blue eyes will never have to see
    The fear that has turned your life inside out
    Rather replace all the fear and all the doubt
    With something new and something said
    The rhyme and reason that resides inside your Head
    ^^^ Although departing from tradition, this resolution is more than thought provoking - it is challenging.