Comments : Meant to Be

  • 12 years ago

    by Nicko

    I was attracted to your poetry because I also have a daughter called Tash and she too is going through pain at the moment. Poems written from the heart have a lot more meaning, laying bare a persons pain for all to see and feel. And thats what you have done here. There are changes you could make to tighten it up but the bare bones are here as poetry is this sort of poetry is about emotion. For example your first stanza

    I'm so broken and scarred.
    I never thought it could be this hard.
    Loving you is all I want to do.
    Why can't you love me the way I love you?

    I'm so broken, scarred
    I never thought it could be this hard
    Loving you is all I can do
    Why can't you love me the way I love you

    Ok I haven't changed much but I think it helps with the flow and rhythm giving the reader time to breath when reading it, without tripping over some of the words. I deleted "and" in the first line as its only a filler word and this gives more emphasis to scarred, in the third line i changed "want" to "can" and deleted "to" this simplifies it letting it flow into your last line "I want to do" is a bit of a mouth full and may trip up the reader.

    But all in all a nice read...

    Anyway this is just a suggestion and another way of looking at your poem , im happy to look at the other stanza's the same way or you may just love it the way it is, poetry is very personal

    Cheerz Nicko

  • 12 years ago

    by Tasha

    Thank you! (: