Comments : Destroy me

  • 8 years ago

    by BlueJay

    This piece is interesting. Emotion is carrying it, word choice is helping you there. the voice is strong and really gives a look to the reader of who you are. The flow is stunning, it makes this piece perfect in length. Other than this, I am not really sure what else to say, except that the title caught my eye, however this piece fell short of my expectations.

    (sorry)

  • 8 years ago

    by BlueJay

    This piece is interesting. Emotion is carrying it, word choice is helping you there. the voice is strong and really gives a look to the reader of who you are. The flow is stunning, it makes this piece perfect in length. Other than this, I am not really sure what else to say, except that the title caught my eye, however this piece fell short of my expectations.

    (sorry) though I do think you have penned a nice piece.

  • 8 years ago

    by Lee

    Lust and self loathing, intertwined, this is another excellent example of your ability.
    Not exactly to my personal taste but it is very well written...

    Constructively, maybe you could use

    "tell me I've been bad"
    on the repetition... this is just the way I personally read it, and it seems to flow slightly better (with my accent at least) =)

    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Skyfire

    I liked the way you intertwined both emotions. Its a connection you don't often see, but it makes this piece all the stronger. Personal and lovely.