Comments : Deep In The Jungle [HAIKU]

  • 8 years ago

    by Ms Happiness

    I love the idea of the poem:) 1 poem and u'll reach 100 yupppyyyyy:D

  • 8 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I don't want to sound rude or anything, or like I am critisising too much,
    I think the base was there, and that was good, I liked the title,
    I just felt that the flow wasn't there, I like haiku's when they are one whole sentence, and this may have worked with some punctuation.

    but good idea and base
    love
    Tara
    x

  • 8 years ago

    by Decayed

    Haikus are hard to write. One should master the completion of an idea to write one.

    You have the idea, but the structure isn't tight, that's why it's not flowing well.

    Yet, overall,, v. good

  • 8 years ago

    by Saerelune

    I see that your syllable count is spot-on, and you also classically divided the poem into two sections. Although I think that the first line could've been more precise. I see the way "screamed" and "voices" fit together, but not really the way "midnight" adds anything to it. I suggest you focus on this horrifying noise only. Nevertheless, I think this haiku had quite a funny tone to it (in the second and third line), perhaps due to its rhyme and innocence.