Comments : I wish...

  • 12 years ago

    by Mattias Ostling

    First of all I want to say that I love the message, and it really feels so familiar. I'm going through something like this at the moment so I can really relate. I only gave it a 4/5, because, while it really speaks a lot, it is a bit too "obvious". I'd change the layout a little bit, too, in order to give it a stanza feeling, and since it rhymes a lot, it would really help with the oral reading of it.
    I would also remove the final smily at the end, since it is not really necessary in my opinion. It doesn't need the confirmation of love, after a poem that really expresses it so well.

    And finally there is a slight grammatical mistake through out the poem. It is a grammatical rule called "The subjunctive" and in this case it is the past tense one. while that might sound fancy it simply means that if you use the word "wish" "as if" "if" or "suppose", you use the word "were" instead of "was", even if it's third person present tense singular, or "I" form.

    So in other words, I wish I were you blanket... etc

    While all this might sound a bit too critical, I will reiterate, it was a very nice piece, and I liked it a lot. I look forward to reading more of your poems.

  • 12 years ago

    by MissSuperBad86

    I found it in a picture...