This was a really nice poem :) As poets we tend to "take possession" of our poems by using Me My And I. I am guilty of this as well. Try eliminating them wherever you can

surrounding me in a rore of clouds.

^^^

surrounded in a roar of clouds

and

My mistakes fall from the sky like rain.
^^^

mistakes falling from the sky like rain....

U get the idea. Overall though it is a very deep and wonderful poem

Lostlove