Comments : Hard against my back

  • 10 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    This was a really nice poem :) As poets we tend to "take possession" of our poems by using Me My And I. I am guilty of this as well. Try eliminating them wherever you can

    surrounding me in a rore of clouds.

    ^^^

    surrounded in a roar of clouds

    and

    My mistakes fall from the sky like rain.
    ^^^

    mistakes falling from the sky like rain....

    U get the idea. Overall though it is a very deep and wonderful poem

    Lostlove