Comments : Unfinished, I think.

  • 12 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Molten anxiety,
    Black fountain pen ink travels through my main arteries.
    Slowly outward.

    ^ This stanza is gripping and interesting and has a lot of description for only three lines. The reader starts to hear your voice here and is interested to see what else you have to say, which at this point doesnt seem to be much.

    Stale potential never rests.
    Small fragments of shattered opportunities forced through my hollow existence.

    ^Again so much description and information that leads the reader on in hopes to find something truly amazing. I like this stanza a lot and it really stands out to me, showing more of your talent than otherwise has been noticed, not to mention its just overall fantastic.

    Tremors of the hands of time,
    grasping with precision and aggression.
    Fondness and hatred are no longer recognized.

    ^Here I feel a hint of emotion from you, but not much. This doesnt really feel like an ending so to your title, I would have to say you are correct. However I do love this stanza and wish for more.

    Overall this piece is stunning. The word choice is excellent and the style is neat, there is a smooth flow and an immaculate word choice. I have to say 5/5 from me, because the descriptions blew me away. That and the fact I could reread this piece a million times and never find a flaw with it except the fact you ended it so soon.