Comments : The beast

  • 12 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    You have a good idea going one that will hold the interest of the reader. However it doesn't flow as smoothly as it should. Maybe with some editing you can fix that. It's well worth the effort, I see talent in what you've done

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    I agree with the above comment
    and I tried to write my suggestions actually rather the way I understood it..

    When you come near,
    I can smell death,
    dirty beast.

    Why are you here?
    you need to be extinct.

    Why have you killed me?
    Have I wronged?

    The way it hurts.
    there is so much pain.

    I'm so sorry.
    I never meant to kill your only reason to live.
    But I've done it, I will succumb to you for I owe you.

    I must have your soul in contempt,
    merciless human.

    Have you not sunk so low with taking my life?
    Bloody beast.

    But no matter what, I bid you with a farewell
    For I shall never forget you.
    human being.

  • 12 years ago

    by John Dlyan Boone BABY

    I like this set up better you wont mind if i was to use it would you?