Well, I could say that you don't know what you want, but based on what I read, I can deduct that you really do know what you want you just don't want to say it or rather you haven't find it so its fair to say that what you want it's difficult to find but everyone can find it. It's just a matter of time. :)

By the way, nice write. Sounds like a riddle in a poem. Good one. But indeed sad.

I know what I want,it`s just that I want a lot of things and they seem impossible.So I`m asking:what are those things really(their essence) that I want and why do they have such powerful effects on me?Thanks for the comment Luce.