Liz- I loved this... how you described the feelings that I get when watching a good horror flick-
and, you have also taken me back to a few haunting moments In my life....I can go In 3 directions with this piece... and I love it- now my mind Is thinking that your writing about a tragic event.... either way... my eyes have been twisted In a wonderful way... and this poem was a delight to read.... very nice~
10 years ago
Those feelings are Taunting me and haunting me whenever I get scare. The descriptions are exactly how it feels. The hairs of the neck and the gusp bumps and the feeling dwelling in our chest, too.
I also agree with Andrea, it feels like an event that has happen to the author and that it's haunting her but she wants to believe that it's just a taunt and not a haunt but sadly it seems like it's not a taunt :(
Another great piece by you. I think this piece is really chilling and puts the reader on edge. The atmosphere in the poem is really creepy and it has all the tension on a horror movie.
10 years ago
sounds that emit
from the distance
which seems to be
with every thump
of your heart.
^ I suggest you make it this way: The howling from a distance seems to get closer with every thump of your heart. (I think this way, the flow wouldn't be killed in this stanza specifically).
So let's now dissect your goosebump-ing piece!
^ you know, this what caught my sight first. I mean... such titles with their obscurity can be really magnetizing.
Taunting, isn't it?
^ I like when poets start their poems with questions. They make me yearn madly to continue, and especially that taunting rhymes with haunting, I was allured more.
Being unaided in
the darkest hour
from the walls
^ I can sense from the opening that it's about OCD... "unknown voices screech from the walls" .. as if you're saying the voices haunt you. And comparing the poison to being red sets a dense image in my head.. spooky!
on a blackboard.
^ I think this is my favorite part!! but shouldn't the preposition be 'against' instead of 'on'?
Do you notice
the dark shadow
that is hovering
and slowly making
its way to your very
^ Again, I really love how questions can send those vibes of being petrified.. I can now walk in your shoes. really love the tension you're trying to build.. with such a style.
Does the hair
stick up at the
back of your neck
^ I like this... those are goosebumps! I'm really sucked into this, from head to toe.
Can you feel
the goose bumps
invade your body
^ honestly.. I think those three lines do not say anything new.. so I suggest you remove them and just paste the: "as though it was
a cold winters day." ...after... "with fear"
your own sanity
and plead that
what is happening,
is not real.
^ This is my second best stanza! I love the intermixing of the questions method.. and beginning to speak to us!
But deep down
you know that
^ Those words sum up the title: The Haunting..
Liz, you really nailed this write. Kudos to you..
10 years ago
by Ronel McCarthy
Great techniques used-assonance and similes are powerful. This is beautiful ! :)