Comments : I need help

  • 12 years ago

    by Rihanna

    I loved it Elijah!

    I try not to think of it
    It always come back
    I try to resist
    It only gets worse

    ^
    I loved how you said you try not to think about it but try not to resist but it just keeps getting worse! Loved it

    I ask for help
    it works for a while
    I cant do it alone
    I need God's help

    ^
    Asking for help but only remains for a little your praying for gods help. But there are other people you can look up to not just god. Loved the flow

    God forgive me of my sins
    Help me not fall into temptation
    I'm only human
    I'm not perfect but You are

    ^
    Loved the ending concluding god to forgive you for you lies
    Asking him to help you not fall in for temptation and your only human and nobody's perfect.

    Loved the messaged this brought
    The flow and rhyme were good(:

    5/5 x

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    "I try not to think of it
    It always come back"

    Great start. Makes the reader want to know more about 'it' that you try not to think of but keeps coming back. My suggestion though: add 'but' before 'it' on the second line to show the contrast. And 'come' should be plural because the subject (it) is singular.

    "I cant do it alone
    I need God's help
    I pray for forgiveness"

    I like this part. We should always look up to God first before anyone or anything else. And the 'it' you mentioned earlier may be your sin(s). And you feel guilty for committing them.

    "God forgive me of my sins
    Help me not fall into temptation
    I'm only human
    I'm not perfect but You are"
    Great ending as well. Acknowledging God's power is a sign of praising Him. And in the end, He always forgives those who are repentant and truly sorry for their sins.

    Great write 5/5 :)

    -X

  • 12 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    God has already forgiven you for your sins.
    Now its time to forgive yourself.
    We all make mistakes in life, nobody is
    perfect

  • 12 years ago

    by Marvellous

    We owe ourselves of forgiveness. The rule is simple..forgive those who offend you..and automatically God welcomes you back in. Good job still, thanks for sharing.

  • 11 years ago

    by Silent Girl

    Very well written poem :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Silent Girl

    I need help finding a friend really good poem :) 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Jawwad Zafar

    Great poem by a brilliant writer..
    Keep it up
    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Christian

    Grate poem im actually amazed a 13 year old wrote it keep head strong bro 5/5