Comments : The girl no one knows...

  • 12 years ago

    by Max

    This is beautiful but there is one small mistake in
    "Eager to feed off they're happiness..."
    they're should be their
    other than that its amazing in every way i personally like the flow and the word choice
    and the story of the poems i so emotional and sad and i love it too
    5/5 keep on the good work =)

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Okay.. You told me you wrote this last night.. did you have a few drinks? lol jk.. There are some typos:

    "Smiles for all who she pass's,"
    pass's--passes

    "Bright eyed eager to hear,"
    add a hyphen between bright and eyed.

    "Flash's, moments long past."
    flash's--flashes

    "Happily wiping the sleep from her eye's."
    eye's--eyes

    Put all that aside, you have here a beautifully-penned piece. I so envy you right now.. I stay up all night and don't come up with a masterpiece like this. I mean, the punctuation is well-placed, something you do expertly, with ease, making the reader read the piece with a great rhythm. The story---so captivating and mesmerizing!! Amazing write as always. 5/5 without a doubt :)

    -X

  • 12 years ago

    by PETER EDWARDS

    A great poem Jenn. I do like this and the others you have written. So much feeling there and depth. Wow! A great write!