Comments : Hidden Emotions

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    First of all, it's not worth taking away your life..
    "Sometime(s) when I speak,
    It's like no one can [ever] hear me."
    ---Add the ones I placed in a parenthesis and remove the ones I placed in a bracket. It would flow much better that way, in my opinion..
    "Almost as if I was a ghost, old, see-through,
    and weak."
    ---This is a new perspective in my part to see a ghost. Yes, I've imagined ghosts to be see-through, but most of them (in my head) are not old and weak. I imagine a ghost is a human's essence, and not all people who die are old and weak.
    "WhenI'm talking to your face, do you even
    see,
    That deep inside (me) you are really hurting me?"
    ---There are some people who are rather very blunt, sometimes being blunt makes a person arrogant..
    "So when I came to school-
    It was like I was new and everyone was my
    foe."
    ---I like that you gave this a setting and the piece seem to be in an orderly fashion, yet abstract, in a way that you're giving the reader an insight to what you are feeling..
    "They made it seem like everything (I) did[,]
    Was odd, and abnormal,"
    ---I've felt this way some time in the past. It's not the best feeling, I know..
    "My mother would ask and (I would be) filled (me) with so
    much hate."
    ---ehh.. sometimes and most likely, mothers know best :D
    Overall, a nice write to let out all your feelings.. But holding grudges isn't the best way to be angry. You can be angry once in a while, but learn to accept, move on and just let go. Keep writing. 5
    -X