Comments : Nature

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I know English isn't your mother tongue, so this needs a bit of re-working. I'll give you a bit of advice here...
    "Though day begin with shivering leaves"
    ---hmm. I don't know if you're talking about a certain day, or each day.
    If it's a certain day, it would be: "Though the day began with shivering leaves" if you meant the latter, it would be: "Though days begin with shivering leaves". Either way, I like what you're aiming for here.
    "Bare trees comes alive as sun rise
    Birds fly in sky to express their liberty"
    ---In the first line, the verb (comes) should be 'come', because the subject (trees) is plural. If the subject is plural, the verb is singular and vice versa..
    ---The first line seems cut, now it's awkward and incomplete. "...as sun rise," what? My suggestion for the first line: "Bare trees come alive as the sun rises."
    ---in the second line, add the article 'the' between 'in' and 'sky', because THE sky is a specific noun, right? Otherwise, let me just say that I like that line.
    "Earth's open her treasure from her lap"
    ---Earth's is possessive or short for 'Earth is'.. My suggestion: "Earth opens her treasure from her lap."
    "Dew drops shines from grass to grab"
    ---Again, drops (subject) is plural, so the verb (shines) must be singular. "..from grass to grab" what? this is a sentence fragment, consider revising it.
    "To eliminate evil power and without sins"
    ---I don't really know the idea behind this, but my suggestion: remove 'and'
    Overall, a nice, soothing piece. Nature poems have that effect on me. Your word choices such as divine, liberty, delightful made this a nice read, if not a bit painful, lol. But great job
    -X

    • 12 years ago

      by Kumar kainth

      Xanthe, i will be back soon with sound grammar
      again thanks for your precious time,

  • 12 years ago

    by Akerele1 Segun22

    This is a beautiful one.Keep the good work up. Do read and comment my poems. Thanks.

  • 12 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Nice piece. The imagery is amazing although some lines are rocking..but, as a whole I enjoyed reading it..keep writing on:=)