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  • 10 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Let it out, feel the empty space.
    Staring down ,nothing comes to my mind.
    I'm getting no where. It all comes to end.

    ^^ for an introduction this is wonderful. I really enjoy the first line, because that speaks to me very strongly and probably a lot more than it should. The second line reminds me of a poet with writer's block or any artist without their muse. But it also reminds me of a person looking for faith or hope or something completely intangible and wondering where to go next. The third line I also enjoy though it hurt me a little to read that. I know exactly how that feels and it made me think for a moment. Well job wording that feeling and Great use of skill.

    You closed your eyes to see who you know.
    Open up and find the words to tell me now.
    So helpless.

    ^^ Here it feels like you went to the wrong person for advice or you tried the wrong thing to feel better. You closed your eyes to see who you knew, basically saying that you did what you were used to or you told me of your experience but when you tried to convey that "open up and find the words to tell me now" all that you had was useless to me. A different situation or you already tried that. I am assuming the so helpless is how you felt and not how they responded, and if so that is a nice touch to end the stanza. You have story then emotion. Which is great.

    Where can I look now?
    When did we even begin?

    ^^ I love how you ended the piece with questions. Well worded well formed strong enough questions to make your point and explain how you felt and why you were writing.

    I really like this piece. For a lot of reasons. It shows skill for being so simple and short but so wonderful. And it shows a lot of the person you are. It is relateable and it is just over all gripping and captivating. Nice job.