Comments : End

  • 8 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Our eyes, they did envision.
    Our hopes, they did ascend.
    Our thoughts embraced a purpose
    we no more can defend.

    - good start creating a good steady flow to the poem. You opened it in such a powerful way using thoughts which we can all relate to. We have all had hopes which we gave up on, as we felt them slipping away.

    Enrapt by so much promise
    by so much ceaseless joy,
    we failed to see the failure
    of a bridge we`d soon destroy.

    - keeping the flow up, great! It is flawless. Again using the word promise in that first line grabs the readers attention because we have all held onto promises which we believed in and hoped for. I loved the line " we failed to see the failure" - I thought this was great and made the line more stronger.

    And by this violent river
    we never should have crossed
    bereft of every purpose.
    We stand and we are lost.

    - creating the feelings of regret in this last stanza, the depression and the sorrow really kicks in here which is a powerful way to end the poem.

    Good job on this one. It is quite a moving poem.

  • 8 years ago

    by Decayed

    Hey, great to see you here again, dude :)

    Your writes are definitely missed, and this one is amaziiiinnngggg !

  • 8 years ago

    by Lioness

    Oh I like this one a lot!

    There's an eerie feeling to the tone which comes out, and that is awesome!


  • 8 years ago

    by Steven Beesley

    It is great to see you writing again old friend!

    As always your pieces never fail to amaze and delight the reader.