Thanks for the collab, I enjoyed writing with you. Though, I think I need to learn to read more carefully.

I must admit this is one of the best Dark poems I have read in a while
I usually get bored of long poems but this one I wanted more when it was done
I liked how your repeated the question
"Don't you see?"
in the last stanza it was well placed
and every time it meant see in a different way as I read
great poem over all
great collab

I love this piece, beautifully written.

Great duet!
I actually loved the rhyming and the spooky tones which go in parallel very well.

But for the next time, I advise you to minimize the length because it would be more comfortable to read :P

OMG!

Friggin brilliant!!!

What darkness can be felt in this you guys did an amazing job writing this collab, I am so happy to see that.

I wish I had more nominations left lol - someone please nominate this!

x

Awww thank you guys so much

Great work guys, you have created a really powerful poem here. x

There were some parts where the transition was a little too obvious but this flowed really well, nonetheless.

The rhyming on and off was kind of distracting, but I like the repetitions and the phrases enclosed in quotation marks. Which is probably the 'voice' in the persona's 'head', or his/her conscience speaking.

"The rainswept graveyards
where the innocent lie"

I love the word 'rainswept', and how you tied it in with graveyards was just so sad.
I think 'lie' should be plural, so it agrees with the noun 'innocent'. But since you are rhyming, I suggest innocent be plural instead. That way, it'd avoid grammatical errors and flow much better.

>>"don't go, don't go"
the raven shares a tale
blood flow, blood flow"<<

I love how this verse flowed. I think you forgot to add one more quotation mark before the third line. It kind of looks awkward without it.

"unclaimed innocence unveiled
my valentine has hallow eyes
the blood runs down her cheek
now in the earth she now lies"

Great use of imagery here; extremely vivid and effective. I think there's a typo on 'hollow' (?). And the repetition of 'now' weakened the last line. I suggest you remove the first one, in the fourth line here.

Don't torture your soul
"let her go, let her go"
^
Nothing really to comment here, but I thought this was brilliant!

"She wants you to think
that life in her has not shrink."

This was too forced, and not that necessary to the piece.

"to make you her prey,
and torture your head;
'til on your pillow, you fall dead."
^
This too...

"that gentle caring chick
who wore her lipstick
to kiss you on your cheek."
^
Too forced, and too 'telling'

>>>"Look away, look away"
Don't torture yourself.<<< Okay, I love the ending. It's beautifully penned.

Great job Luce and Parish. Hope to see more collabs from you both. Enjoy reading this.