Comments : Eyes, Heart, and Mouth

  • 11 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Congrats on knocking this out of the park and winning the challenge!!! I loved this, I wanted to add my comment here:

    Oh my, I loved this. I thought this was so creative, here I was expecting to read one word in an acrostic not three. Loved the inner thoughts in parenthesis that broke up the subjects. Loved how each word related to what you had to say. Eyes ----> viewing the world
    Heart ----> wearing it on my sleeve
    Mouth -----> speaking what one feels

    I just really love how you stated cliches when describing the body part that would let the reader know what you're talking about. Kind of a guessing game, you state a scientific name and we guess what you were talking about. I loved the orginality of this piece. So creative :)

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    You know, I used to and I often question the same, how others view the world.
    But I didn't ask myself on how I see the world?, and I got to the assumption that the way I see the world is changing as I grow. Sadly, it changes drastically, and my thoughts changed as they go back and forth. And overtime, hopefully, I will get one simple view. I don't know it yet.

    However, I like the part where you mention that we are simply guests here on Earth, because that's what we are. We think that we are the owners of this planet but really, we come here when we are born and then we leave once we die. We are just borrowing this piece of land and water, and you know what I was taught? that the things that we borrowed are supposed to be taken with a lot more care. But it's easier to overlook it.. if we think we are the owners.

    and yes, without doubt we are all the same, we have a soul don't we.. if people believe in it.. if not then.. We all have a heart and blood, don't we?

    I really, like what you did on the first paragraph.

    Then on the second one, I believe you are saying the part about slap one cheek and I'll put the other one. As hurt me and I will love you.

    and on the third one, I'm on agreeing but not quiet, there is a thin line between brave and someone who is hmm.. not sure the name. But yes, one is brave if they express their feelings and fight for what they love and feel and that's what I felt that you wanted to say in the third acrostic.

    and the last sentence in parenthesis may sound sad but it feels good to write everything we feel. We might not say it aloud but at least we don't keep it in us to rotten us.

    you were brave enough to use three acrostics not just one, but three. And you wrote them with ease. Well done.

    Keep it up 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Marvellous

    Life is good, to them who think good. Really beautifully worded!

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    I loved how you used 3 scientific names instead of just one. You really stepped it up and you truly deserved to win. :)

    I like the use of the phrases in the parentheses, it connects the eyes, mouth, and heart instead of just reading them separately.

    Eyes: I've always wandered what it would be like to see the world through . someone else eyes. What do they focus on? What do they see is more important? I've always been curious. You captured it amazing, I love how you stated we are just guests on Earth, so true.

    Heart: I think everyone wears it on their sleeve... some just try to cover it up a little more. We all can be broken somehow...and we can all be stitched back together at some point.

    Mouth: Some can express their feelings easily... they can say when someone hurts them, or tell someone exactly what they think without thinking of the consequences... which is a good and bad quality. Others will bottle their words up and wait to express them into writing... I love the last line "forever become ink within my notebook" ... so beautiful.

  • 11 years ago

    by Lioness

    I haven't read the others in the challenge but I thought while reading it, my gosh this must have won lol Oh this is awesome. It looks like you steped up and rose to the challenge. I think it is brilliant!!!

    Awesome write and congrats!


  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni

    In the title you have to place a comma between "eyes" and "heart" as it is an enumeration, not too big of a deal though. Reading it I was wondering why you'd pick those three things and what they might have in common so that you decided to write about them, but once I read your note I realized why you picked that because I had completely forgotten about the contest by now.

    When writing acrostics it is important that it does not feel as though you chose the line breaks just that you manage to fullfill the forms criteria and I think that overall you did a good job with this, it flows naturally there is just one verse I am not completely satisfied with:

    "Arrogance seperates the infected from the
    love and care open-minded people bathe in, leaving the
    selfish assumption that one human is better than the next"
    ^ Ending a verse with "the" does not feel too natural. If I knew how to re-arrange the first to keep the acrostic I'd tell you but I can't seem to manage to.. the second one you could just remove and add an "s" to "assumption" so that it is plural, would still work and be better in my opinion.

    Also I noticed you're as much of a semicolon lover as I am haha! Though I'd recommend you not to have the sentences too long, for example in your second stanza, you've got one sentence over 6 verses.. they are still understandable after all because of how you worded and punctuated them, but sometimes it's exhausting to read a sentence as long as that one (I do that too...sometimes x)).

    Now to the content:
    "Occasionally I question how others view the world;"
    ^ This is definately an intruiging start for a poem because I am sure many people can relate to it and you saying that you question it yourself might give the reader an idea as to finding an answer. Even though you might not know everybodys view, you certainly know your own and sharing that only would already be an enrichment to these curious people like myself.

    "Rough and disastrous"
    ^ "rough" does not have to be capitalized. Nonetheless, I thought that this is quite dramatic, not necessarily because of it being a negative statement, but rather because of how true it is - most don't believe in good things and will always find something to complain about.

    "but rarely appreciated,"
    ^ Too true, especially when it comes to nature, seeing how we pollute it without any care. Eventually it won't be nature that we destroy, but nature growing "defense-organisms", that will destroy those who cause all those problems, which would be us humans.

    "seeing how we're simply guests here on Earth. "
    ^ Even though you speak in plural I am positive that you are one of the view who do realize that. I did read the comments and saw that most agree, which I am positive most will do if they hear that, but they do not even think about it and continue doing what they do.

    I love the confidence you have in your second stanza, which shows that even though downs may come your way, you are grateful for feeling and nobody can ever take that from you. Your certainly are an enrichment to the world with your pure heart!!

    "hurt me and I'll love you, for I know you need it"
    ^ You might want to consider rewording this as it does not sound really sincere in my opinion, but rather full of yourself, which contraditcs a little with the stanza itself though I see what you mean, but still. Just my opinion anyways. :P

    Your poem is consistently interesting, which is emphasized by the last stanza because usually the tension builds up or decreases, but yours was very consistent in my opinion. Also I like how you picked up the "heart-idea" in that stanza and finished your poem with the passion of writing even though you got the possibility to just speak your mind.

    Absolutely loved loved loved this poem and I have rarely enjoyed writing a comment as much as this one! :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Amy

    When I came across the title, I just had to read this. It is so different and new to me to see those three combined. There is a little typo on separates. But the message of this poem is just mindblowing. Really beautiful write here.

  • 11 years ago

    by Shark Puncher

    Very well written. It's not often you read over an acrostic poem that blends so poignantly such as this one. I too can only echo I like how you've chosen three scientific terms as well, opposed to just going the easy route and saying MOUTH, EYES AND HEART. I enjoyed this!