Comments : You choose a lie over me

  • 11 years ago

    by Autuumnbree

    Good poem, I think it could be better if it was edit with that being said this is a good write because it makes the reader feel the pain and hopelessness that the writer is expressing.

    I also find this piece to be very heartbreaking but if we never experience pain we'll never know what happiness feels like. Take care

    • 11 years ago

      by DyingWolf

      Thanks for the comment, And yes it is very deep... It form to express how I feel. I will take your advise in consideration.

  • 11 years ago

    by Ole Carsten

    I think and believe the poems content is solid, but you might have to change it a bit, like in blocks of surprise, you lie...
    You had my trust..
    I can live with it..
    But it would be a lie....

    This is just my input

    Br

    Ole

    • 11 years ago

      by DyingWolf

      Thanks for the comment. I understand what are you telling me. I will try next time. I appreciate your advise.

  • 11 years ago

    by Ole Carsten

    I think and believe the poems content is solid, but you might have to change it a bit, like in blocks of surprise, you lie...
    You had my trust..
    I can live with it..
    But it would be a lie....

    This is just my input

    Br

    Ole