Comments : Beautiful, I'm Not

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Ok... I will decide to not shout at you for this one and instead comment on the poem because it is how you felt at the time... although I will shout later probably.

    Beautiful, I'm not.
    A heart wallowed in
    P A I N
    I can't breathe.
    Black mascara bleeds
    onto flawless skin.

    - this imagery is one which we can picture well because it is every girl who has had a broken heart ( and wears mascara! ) The way you say you cannot breathe shows how intense this pain is.

    Beautiful, I'm not.
    Every nerves becomes
    N U M B
    I can't think.
    Echoing words drill
    into opaque pupils
    lined with ice.

    - I question the word nerves here because I am not sure it is correct, would it not be nerve? Every nerve? Not entirely sure but it is the way I would say it.
    - "pupils lined with ice" - such a powerful statement here creating just what you needed to express.

    Beautiful, I'm not.
    I never learned to
    P R A Y
    Mentality fades with the sunset
    dripping one last drop of faith.

    - I think people who are not religious all have a moment when they wish they had taken on one so they can cling to some faith or some sort of hope that something will help with this pain. Good comparison with the sunset, the saddest part of the day when we see it fade away.

    Beautiful, I am.
    5:00 a.m. with crusted eyes,
    swollen with yesterday's worries.

    - I assume this is what has been routine for you to see in yourself. It is perhaps so common for you that this is what you view as " yourself " The idea of yesterdays worries being in your eyes is so very sad because then each new day would bring new "yesterdays worries " therefor keep building up and never ending :(

    Now for the shouting.... You are a beautiful person, depsite all you have been through you are a strong and amazing beautiful person. Don't ever let anyone tell you any different. xx

  • 11 years ago

    by MyHalozChokinMe

    You were right Baby R, it was a typo. Thank you =) I corrected it.