Comments : Would She Ever

  • 12 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow,I have to say the poem is very long, but I am glad I decided to sit and read it because it holds so much depth of the characters emotion and pain, it really draws you in.

    I related to this actually, to experience something in the past that knocks your trust and confidence to the point you have none. so how could you ever accept love again or evin begin to believe it exists in the real world.

    Eachs tanza gave a little more of what she wanted, but what she was missing out on. You described her fears as how she thought she would end up hurt anyway if she made a mistake of trusting someone. There is a list throughout the poem of all the things she is suffering with, and then this is followed by what she would have if she was just to let go of this past that she holds on to.

    My favourite stanza was actually this little one :

    The weeping inside her
    Dug deep in her brain
    Would she ever
    Release her love again

    - I think this sums the poem up in the ultimate question, would she ever feel love. Or accept it. The weeping is so strong for me here because I feel for her, there is no worse feeling than that utter loneliness when you feel you have no one to love, and no one to love you, it can comsume you. In this poem we see this character battling this fear of love and all the demons it brings because she clearly does not want it to be this way but it is so hard to get over the hurt from the past.

    I really enjoyed this and think you done well with the rhymes and the word choice. I would however, suggest that you add in punctuation to your work because it will allow the reader to break the poem up as it should be read. A few commas and stops should help.

    Well done.

    • 12 years ago

      by Michelle Bennett

      Thank you for your comment. I would welcome any suggestions for punctuation as I am new to sharing my poems. Therefore, a bit clueless as to punctuation.

      Chelle