Comments : Tears, A Sun in the Night

  • 9 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    How has this been unnoticed? It is amazing...seriously, WOW...
    The title was really captivating, made me ponder on the content...I was a bit sceptical of reading a sad poem, but I am so glad I did because this is awesome!

    Tears well up and roll down to meet lips that form a confident frown.
    They tickle, they sting, they fight to believe that they belong;
    no mystery, just aquatic memory that lives to be wrong.

    ^^Sometimes we don't want to cry, but sometimes we need to, sometimes that is all that we can do when things are so deep and have to come out somewhere, and I love the image of a confident frown, like you know that it is true to your emotion, not like a forced smile...

    Like a row of flickering lights lining the side of a lonely street,
    a pair of eyes endeavor to transcend the past and present.
    Life is tragic, apologies unfailingly fail to be effervescent.

    ^^We all have past memories that we keep with us, while we shouldn't...I love the comparison of the lights by the street to eyes...

    The breath of time is made of furious nothingness.
    I'm startled by admission of love and conversation.
    I wish I never wished and wish I was certain of your adoration

    ^^^That last line got me caught up but I love it because we wish things that we regret and then wish them again, if that makes sense...just your way with words is outstanding.

    A universe concealed by earthly and insect salvation;
    I blame myself and demand that I quench the futility
    of grief-laden questions, questions of virile senility.

    ^^^Don't we always blame ourselves at some point, and we try and try to change our way of thinking in situations, but we always end up with that blame, somewhere

    Still! Still i think to talk to the stone that's replaced you,
    I ask it for forgiveness I'm not sure I really want or need.
    I'm still convinced that somehow the silence isn't guaranteed.

    ^^^^Oh, this made me think of the dead, the loved ones we have lost, there have been so many, It really broke my heart there.

    there's nothing rancid about a corpse when you're in love, the infatuated are dead inside, brain dead, broken like a stream of water struck by fire and turned to steam..

    ^^Oh, I love this, I love everything about this piece but this is different, we don't use our heads in love much, our hearts always take over, and when love is lost, its a feeling like we are dead, too caught in the emotion...
    Im rambling again and I'm sure Im not making sense...

    its all the same, its nothing different but its not the same.. the tepid breath of a spider in love, uneasy yet erudite and certain..

    whats a puzzle without the pieces, where is the desire to be pieces, why does it hurt to be in pieces? light will only burn when you've spent too long in the dark..

    stark truth leaves circuitousness to be desired, a firefly that glows too radiantly; a sun in the night is wrong, why is it so hard to believe that maybe it belongs?

    ^^^The questions, they fit well with the piece and that ending...the play on the beginning of the poem, but it is a question in everything, why we think something doesn't belong in a place when maybe it does...

    I just love this piece, it is sad but it is so expertly written that the questions leave me pondering, and has that quality missing in so many poems, the quality of brilliance :) I'm serious...I have never read something like this, I can't explain it...but it was amazing...


  • 9 years ago

    by Mohan

    You started very well

  • 9 years ago

    by Liz

    ^Started AND ended very well. Honestly, I don't have a decent comment for this piece. Its flawless.