First, I note this Quatern is correct as to form: the progressing refrain and 8 syllables per line. You have chosen to rhyme and have used iambic pentameter for a good part of the poem. Both choices are in your discretion. However, when the reader gets used to iambic & it abruptly breaks off, as in line 3, the interruption is jarring. Line 8 seems forced & confusing; not sure what the message is here. The words trace and befell seem to be used because they force the rhymes.
I think if you work on these issues it will be first class, as the message of the poem is excellently told.

Zahra.... its been long that I have read your poem, but I feel very elated to have read this one. This is so beautifully described and the message of Life, of the experiences to gain is expressed excellently. I loved the form you attempted.

Keep writing:)

Missed your writes...

Zahra.... its been long that I have read your poem, but I feel very elated to have read this one. This is so beautifully described and the message of Life, of the experiences to gain is expressed excellently. I loved the form you attempted.

Keep writing:)

Missed your writes...