Comments : Overdue Promise

  • 6 years ago

    by Mermaids Lullaby

    Wow! Azza you have truly become the poet i always knew you could be. Your words are original and belong to you and your thoughts alone. Some poets tend to write the same thing a thousand others have already stated, but your phrases bring new images and feelings alive, making you a unique poet in which no other compares too. 5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Friction of gravels
    that brush against my shoe,

    ^^
    gravel that brushes

    rearranging notes from stone pieces,
    assembling a whimsical symphony;
    orchestrating warmth into my ear

    ^^
    Very original wording: orchestrating warmth into your ear!

    An unexpected comfort,
    accompanying me through
    my solitary schlep into
    the morning blizzard.

    ^^
    Love the tone..

    Snow flakes stained the streets,
    ^^
    stain instead of stained

    decorated with diagonal footsteps;
    paving a trail of determination,
    pushing boundaries as I exhale
    miniature mist into the air.
    ^^
    Nice images

    Layers of cloth battles
    the temperature foreign to my skin.

    ^^
    This gives good detail of where you come from.

    -Shivering-

    Overseeing a smiley yellowish alphabet
    protruding from this mazy town;
    setting it as my focal point,
    leading towards my destination.
    (so near but yet so far)
    Though this phrase seems cliche,
    you'll understand what I mean
    when you have walked twelve thousand miles
    where my mud imprinted shoes have been.

    ^^
    This person means very much to you, for you to walk so far to see her.

    Testimonial of drudgery
    written in dirt particles;
    reminiscing times of poverty;
    having emptiness constantly wagging
    war against my intestines.

    ^^
    Poverty makes one humble, it makes for better people.

    Waging instead of wagging

    Paralyse by reality,

    ^paralysed
    sunken to the bed of my insecurities,
    unable to shut the lens
    of these dark puffy rings;
    Dreams of riding over
    celestial waves
    sat near to impossible.

    ...

    -But here I am-

    A thousand and ninety-five days later
    with a bag filled with faith,
    taking chances of reigniting
    an old flame in the rain...

    ^^
    To have that number there, adds to the authenticity of your words. To have a bag filled with faith, is telling the tale of your focus.

    -One more step-

    Repeatedly reminding myself
    that I'll get closer...

    To bridge my promise of meeting you.

    ^^
    I hope you met her!

    Well done, Azza:) I am sorry it took me so long to comment. As always, I want to do your work justice with an elaborate comment:)

    5/5 Ingrid