Comments : How I see You (Loop Poetry)

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    I remember this from your old account... It's really beautiful, and this form is remarkable! I might even try it.

    You know, I think it would go really well with children poetry.. especially bedtime stories for them. They have rhythm and can be really addicting to the ears!!

    - back to this poem, your story is really emotional, and I can't imagine it written without this loop form! And I like how this blind father is imagining what his daughter looks like.. it adds to the drama! well done

  • 6 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I agree with Abed. It looks fun. The rhythm, the rhyme. I love reading it over and over again.
    The form doesn't seem to restrict the writer too much. Some forms usually take away the meaning of a piece, resulting to something totally forced, which is one of the many reasons I try to avoid formed poetry at all times haha. And anyway, I don't have that much patience counting syllables. It sort of irks me :/
    Moving on.. I guess I'll try this some time too. Repetition also is one of my favourites, so, can't wait. thanks for sharing!

  • 6 years ago

    by Poetess

    First, very interesting form of poetry. And I agree with LP, this would be excellent for childrens poetry/nursery rhymes. It flows so well, and would be easy to remember :P

    As for the poem, as always, it was amazing. I tried to imagine the man's daughter the way he did, but I don't think its the same in my head. Sort of a bittersweet poem, I think.

  • 6 years ago

    by Milo De Moray

    This is really good. It's a style I've not yet encountered, but as fresh as this is to me, I also feel the emotion expressed quite plainly. Well done Hellon.

  • 6 years ago

    by L

    Hellon, so it was you
    You who invented this form
    Form that I attempted once,
    Once only, but I faced a storm.

    A storm of ramble words
    Words with no sense at all
    All because of a windy flow
    Flow so fast so slow, it made it fall.

    It fall to a rocky ground
    Ground as white as a black sky
    Sky that was filled with dark ink
    Ink that was so dry

    So dry the letters became brittle
    Brittle so brittle unreadable
    Unreadable to any reader
    Reader who saw the unseeable

    The unseeable became my poem
    Poem that was hit by a storm
    Storm that made my canvas dark
    Dark as the ink, I have to inform.

    --- thanks for inventing this fun form.

    I just have a tiny thing about your poem, and the last line confuses me. Is it mind you fill will glee? Or mind you fill with glee? I don't understand how the will( as you have it in the poem) makes sense?

  • 6 years ago

    by Hellon

    Thanks Luce....yes, you are correct, it is a typo so thanks for pointing it out. Can't believe the error has gone unnoticed for so long on Shadow Poetry. Just need to figure out how to get back on there to edit that one too haha!!!

    Your poem is really good..why don't you post it?

  • 6 years ago

    by Darren

    Nice to see a special event poem nominated. Also nice to see a poem written in this style. Loop poetry can sometimes read very repetitive. It is easy to fall into a trap of justifying the layout and form of the poetry at the expense of the detail. Not only have you sidestepped this trap, you managed to throw in a rhyme scheme for good measure. I feel you captured the essence of your chosen subject very well. It has a lovely feel to the whole piece. Well written.

  • 6 years ago

    by Maggie

    I like the Loop Poem format, is it okay if I use it?

  • 6 years ago

    by L

    Your poem is really good..why don't you post it?

    ^^ oops, I didn't post it because I wrote it as a comment instead as a poem.

    And haha were you able to fix the typo in shadows poetry?

  • 4 years ago

    by GB

    I checked your poems looking for this, it's always been one of your best, a real joy to read.

    Write on my dear, your poetry delights the world :)