I remember this from your old account... It's really beautiful, and this form is remarkable! I might even try it.
You know, I think it would go really well with children poetry.. especially bedtime stories for them. They have rhythm and can be really addicting to the ears!!
- back to this poem, your story is really emotional, and I can't imagine it written without this loop form! And I like how this blind father is imagining what his daughter looks like.. it adds to the drama! well done
I agree with Abed. It looks fun. The rhythm, the rhyme. I love reading it over and over again.
The form doesn't seem to restrict the writer too much. Some forms usually take away the meaning of a piece, resulting to something totally forced, which is one of the many reasons I try to avoid formed poetry at all times haha. And anyway, I don't have that much patience counting syllables. It sort of irks me :/
Moving on.. I guess I'll try this some time too. Repetition also is one of my favourites, so, can't wait. thanks for sharing!
This is really good. It's a style I've not yet encountered, but as fresh as this is to me, I also feel the emotion expressed quite plainly. Well done Hellon.
6 years ago
Hellon, so it was you
You who invented this form
Form that I attempted once,
Once only, but I faced a storm.
A storm of ramble words
Words with no sense at all
All because of a windy flow
Flow so fast so slow, it made it fall.
It fall to a rocky ground
Ground as white as a black sky
Sky that was filled with dark ink
Ink that was so dry
So dry the letters became brittle
Brittle so brittle unreadable
Unreadable to any reader
Reader who saw the unseeable
The unseeable became my poem
Poem that was hit by a storm
Storm that made my canvas dark
Dark as the ink, I have to inform.
--- thanks for inventing this fun form.
I just have a tiny thing about your poem, and the last line confuses me. Is it mind you fill will glee? Or mind you fill with glee? I don't understand how the will( as you have it in the poem) makes sense?
Thanks Luce....yes, you are correct, it is a typo so thanks for pointing it out. Can't believe the error has gone unnoticed for so long on Shadow Poetry. Just need to figure out how to get back on there to edit that one too haha!!!
Nice to see a special event poem nominated. Also nice to see a poem written in this style. Loop poetry can sometimes read very repetitive. It is easy to fall into a trap of justifying the layout and form of the poetry at the expense of the detail. Not only have you sidestepped this trap, you managed to throw in a rhyme scheme for good measure. I feel you captured the essence of your chosen subject very well. It has a lovely feel to the whole piece. Well written.