Good for start...keep writing

all the best & take care

Could stand some syntax and grammar fixes, but it carries a deep tone, and the last few words make this a solid poem. I recommend adapting stanza for flow, as it makes it easier to read and less like prose(non-poetry writing)

This is a good start. There are so many grammar errors, however, it makes reading it very difficult. Also, try putting some figurative language in it, so that it won't be so simple. It'll be more interesting to read and it's meaning will be stronger. You have a good meaning, but, figurative language strengthens it -- add metaphors, imagery, and etc. right now it seems like someone ranting about life, which is fine, but it needs more emphasis.
Keep writing! Good luck!
-z