Comments : Satisfied Widow

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    When you wrote this for the challenge Chels, it just stuck with me, that sadness, the power in each line...its mind blowing and I said how it made me tear up...still does. Just amazing how something can be whipped up in minutes yet stand out and stay with me for a long time.
    X

  • 11 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    I truly love the strength in this poem, the raw emotions and in depth angle in which you took this... to mark someone "dead" to you.. walking away, it just left me speechless... this was beautifully crafted! Love this!

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Chelsey!

    I so knew this was yours, it has your style all over it.

    specially the beginning lines

    "Choke on your alibi, and gasp for polluted air."

    and the marginalize part too.

    Though this one to me when I read it seems more Dark than sad,... Well done

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Choke on your alibi, and gasp for polluted air.
    Your lies, your words, are nothing but a poor
    excuse to invoke my anger, which you've done-
    appealingly well, marginalizing me.

    - Ouch. Powerful opening and I imagine a few readers having a certain person in mind when reading your words. It does not give away an exact situation but leads to many possibilites where we have felt this towards someone and how whateve they say just makes our anger build up more inside.

    Perhaps if I braced your teeth with metal
    your lips would have been cut as you
    attempted to mouth "I'm sorry." Bleeding
    from the only part you used well-
    kisses now go irrelevant.

    - great way to show the damage words can do and how you wish this person could feel the pain that they have caused you. I also like how in your mind this is you taking control and cutting their lips is like payback and also proving that their words now mean nothing to you so they will not need to waste their words anymore in making excuses.

    I'll bury my suicidal thoughts amongst
    the memories, and spread its ashes
    throughout the pain. Then I'll find you,
    turn you into a corpse and I...
    I will be your satisfied widow.

    - one of the best endings ever. I laughed at it because I just find it amusing how you take charge of this situation and although they began more powerful in the beginning when you stated how much they have hurt you - yu end the poem being more powerful and the sense of darkness inside this ending is very interesting. It is like this situation has suddenly changed who you are and made you do these actions. I really love the words " turn you into a corpse" just takes away the cliche of I will kill you. I think your wording holds much more power.

    Well done on this one and perfect title choice xx