This doesn't even feel like a tanka to me, and I think that's a part of the reason why I love it so much. I love hidden forms like this, it's a pleasant surprise and really shows how talented you are with the form.

"Will-o'-the-wisps;"

This is so beautiful.. I really love this. Creative, soft, unique.

This piece reminds me of a soft, yet scary clock.. OH like a womans biological clock. We start to tick, and it's nice in the idea of wanting children which is where fate can play in, and the moment of the whisper -- the calm before the storm, and then BOOM. Kid comes = chaos.

Okay probably not what you meant, but I love it any way you've done it :)