Comments : Murdered by illusion

  • 11 years ago

    by Marcy Lewis

    Ahgh...ehh.
    This was hard to read.

  • 11 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    "Messages implanted in our head from
    a young age; yet we tend to
    ignore as adulthood slowly creeps in."

    - It's true we always are taught to be afraid of strangers when younger, but when we become adults, it's like that's thrown out the window...I guess because we are grown and 'think' we can take care of ourselves in certain situations, fight if we need to... but sometimes that just isn't the case and bad things happen to good people.

    Great imagery, wonderful write.

  • 11 years ago

    by Formidable Muse

    A connection of eyes across the room
    gives me a sense
    of false attraction.

    ^ This is a nice, strong start, drawing me in. It's interesting what eyes can do; they can portray things that not even words can as well as be deceptive as to what's going through the mind.

    "Beware of strangers".

    ^ I like this, it makes me think of the little thoughts that flash through our minds but we tend to ignore when something is off/wrong.

    Messages implanted in our head from
    a young age; yet we tend to
    ignore as adulthood slowly creeps in.

    ^ Love the wording you use in this stanza, the idea of adulthood creeping in. It's funny how we learn basically everything we need to know by such a young age. But we tend to phase it out as we grow (for the most part).

    I walk beside him.
    The room walls start
    closing in on me;
    is this a subconscious message
    that something just isn't right.

    ^Again, you bring up something that tends to float in our subconscious. I've found that gut feelings are never wrong.

    He lays me on the bed
    looks deep into my soul ......

    ^This brings to mind the point of view you choose to write this in, it's an interesting choice.

    Cold steel penetrates my vital organs-

    All that's left , is darkness.

    ^Tragic ending. But I like how this entire poem gives off an eerie vibe, I'm not sure how to explain what I mean, but it's chilling in a way. It's sad that this is something that tends to happen often, that there are sick people out there that live to do things like this. It's infuriating actually. But as far as the poem goes, it's very well written.