Comments : With Red Ink

  • 10 years ago

    by Mimed Lovette

    Sorry, double posting

  • 10 years ago

    by Mimed Lovette

    Dare I say that I loved the opening line? It was fantastic and instantly pulls the reader into wanting to read more of the poem.

    I liked the idea of how you fuelled your distaste/dislike for this particular person with a metaphorical dissection of a paper instead of just the usual imagination of causing direct physical hurt to one.

    The message you tried to bring across through this poem was well accomplished by your ending statement. How unfortunate that this is usually a fatal way of hurting someone in our present society.

    I just have two small comments:
    1) I think you meant "this lot of confetti"?
    2) "that sees no unbreakable" - the word unbreakable seems to be misused here, as it is an adjective and you might like to either insert another word behind it or replace "unbreakable" with a noun.

    I liked this piece, good job. Keep writing!