Comments : Of Breath and Death

  • 8 years ago

    by safachan

    It would be my pleasure to be the first to vote and gives you my opinion .
    "Could it be that your death has awoken me?
    Did I live in a dream of hope and certainty?
    A fake life composed of denial I created, just to be?
    Oh intricate mind, I am overrun by complexity."
    god , the way you describe the denial and the impact of receiving the news of death is brilliant , you know like the state of being unsure of one's death and thinking this is all just a bad dream or maybe we r stuck in an evil conspiracy made by our own mind . beautiful

    the poem is too good for me to interpret but i would like to say that , i have captured the image of suffering and agony you were trying to deliver and it's painfully amazing.

    one more things i absolutely loved in your poem is :
    Do I need to breathe?
    I forgot to breathe.
    I cannot breathe.
    I don't want to breathe.
    Please don't let me breathe.
    Breathe, breathe, breathe."
    these few lines between each part expresses pain and agony in a way i can't describe , that sorrow and choc , knowing that someone precious to us died cannot be put to words yet the essence of the endless suffering inside was beautifully expressed . you know like the difference between the inner and outer mind , when you are in a state of a denial , the things you say and the things you want to say aren't the same , it's a war inside and you are it's only casualty .
    i would like to say it's an honor for me to interpret your poem and i am sorry for my poor ability to express things right , but do know that you don't need people to tell you that things are to be okay , it's up to you to believe it and embrace it , and i am sorry for your loss.

  • 8 years ago

    by WintersAngel

    Wow. Fantastic, I'm breathless.

  • 8 years ago

    by Lemon

    I love the almost repetition! The questions are great as well, however you do seem to have quite a lot in there, maybe try to use them more sparingly to give them more of an impact? Just a suggestion :). Love the poem overall though!