Comments : Breathe Blossom to Decay

  • 12 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Kakera,

    You have penned a beautiful piece here. I truly adore the word usage and a touch of repetitive flow adds to the elegance of this piece. The ending seemed to drop off a bit, just a suggestion you might try something with the word seasons:

    "seasons change, but sorrow stays forever"

    tieing in your theme of seasons... just an idea, either way this was a delightful poem and I look forward to reading more from you!

    • 12 years ago

      by Kakera

      Oho, thank you very much for your wonderful comment!

      I definitely agree about the ending as well. Quite frankly, I always struggle with endings -- perhaps because I'm childish in how I don't want things to end? Who knows. I'm definitely going to consider re-writing the ending though, and your tip might just be a winner!

      Again, thank you very much!

  • 12 years ago

    by Midnight Sky

    Awesome job here i could fell the it line by line

  • 12 years ago

    by Midnight Sky

    Awesome job here i could fell the it line by line

  • 12 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Nice ending... its soft, and yet it ties in with the elegance of the poem... I like it!!

  • 12 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Beautiful

    but even if we did the pain will never go away.

    I love the ending.