Comments : Shadow of Woman

  • 10 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I'm just a woman,
    dancing to a tune
    not many hear or
    understand.

    - can we have evidence of this please? Perhaps another video of you dancing. Then we can hear and understand... and most probably all giggle too?

    I'm one of a trillion
    or so...
    walking a path
    such as paint chips
    falling from an old
    window sill,

    slow, very slow

    - nice metaphor with the chipped paint, very unique. And I also like how you use "slow, very slow" and have it sitting on its own. Puts emphasis on how slowly it is falling. I think you chose a great comparison here.

    I'm on the east side
    and you can't see
    me,
    but you can feel the beauty
    of me in my words.

    - adore this little part Maple. I like how you create the distance, the difference, but yet show that your beauty is always there, and your love, and that your soul and spirit is everywhere. Beautifully written.

    I'm more than a shadow
    of "Woman"

    I'm a spark ignited
    but the originality
    of the special creature
    that I am.

    - should the word but here be by? Or is that just me? I can't make sense of it as but.

    I enjoyed this, and the idea of a shadow of a woman, is so unique, and powerful. I feel it can relate to how women can be printed in the media, and how they "should or shouldn't be" And in your poem, you show pride of who you are, because you are the original you, and the only you.

    And you are the onliest Maple there ever was, and ever will be! :)

    So glad to read your work again. xx

    • 10 years ago

      by Maple Tree

      Thank you Saffie :-)

      and you are correct, it needed to be "By" - thank you!!!