Comments : Saffron Days

  • 10 years ago

    by Amreen

    Sad and thoughtful piece! You did brilliantly well with those phrases and depicted the transition of the girl's life so nicely. One could actually imagine the scenes and I liked your way of writing!
    Keep writing :)

  • 10 years ago

    by Midnight Sky

    So sad this girl the way you put her it is pain just pain makes the reader's feel for her really did something amazing here agian so sad p&l midnight sky

  • 10 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    I found this poem to be really sad. Here you write about this sad and seemingly innocent girl. But there is something different about her. She is a very kind and caring person but people change. Loneliness consumes her and though she fears the night she goes out to not feel alone. Tje attention is nice but deep down inside it seems like she misses someone. I liked the details and wording you put into this. It always seens like you can take something so simple and make it vivid. And this poem is heartbreaking at the end. It seems like loneliness changed this person into something they are not. And at the end of the day she feels more lonely then she felt at the start. Beautiful write Joss. Oh and I'm going to nominate this. Because I feel like it's good enough to win.

  • 10 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This poem was really well worded. I enjoyed the flow of it and how it focused on those days just like the title says. It isn't often that the title is really the focus of the poem, but you done this well here.

    I can imagine the young and innocent mind of this person, and how she gets caught up in these moments, in these habits, and does not really think too much about the future or the consequences.

    I also really liked your use of the brackets (or worse) I feel this was so important, because it implies that she can get caught up in drugs, which is worse than smoking, but she perhaps would not even be aware of this. I think your poem highlights the dangers of drinking, especially outside in public, when you consume too much alcohol you do not really notice much else going on. Hence, making it easy to get spiked with other drugs or alcohol that you are unaware of.

    The vulnerability really strikes out in this poem, as well the regret this person feels. Yet, sometimes, people get so caught up in this life, this habit, that they want to change it, but they feel lost and do not know where to begin to fix it, or get out of it, so they remain trapped. I guess showing signs of regret is the first steps of perhaps moving on from them.

    I enjoyed this. Well done.