Comments : The Devil in My Eyes

  • 6 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    I think a lot of the world wants us to look for our prince or princesses. I really enjoyed how you started this poem out. This girl was so filled with bliss and happiness until she met a guy. Though she could see through the rough outside. The way you describe the two characters is really great. One is a beautiful princess who as always been blissful and saw the beauty in everything. Then you had this other guy whowas a drifter (loner) who has had a rough life. It seems like the girl knew ssomething was wrong right away but still with her kind and caring heart she was nice. It's sad because people with the most kind hearts always seem to get hurt the most. That's when the abuse starts.

    I liked the dialogue you used. It really does make the poem feel real and connected to the reader. And throughout you made a story which I love. Usually in longer poems people tend to stray from the story. You didn't. In fact you made the story more sad and thrilling in a way. The girl seems to fall in love or put under a spell. Also through out you made the guys brain seem crazier and crazier which is hard to do. By the end they are both very different people. this girl is such dark and is now the devil inside. Pain really does change people though. This is a really sad poem yet it is so well written. Great job

  • 6 years ago

    by Midnight Sky

    Wow this had alot of emotion behind it felt the sadness flow through me good job writing it

  • 6 years ago

    by Jamparnell

    Wow...

  • 6 years ago

    by LittleMsPink

    Long but really worth reading,

  • 6 years ago

    by Dragon Boy

    Wow!
    This was one strong poem!
    the flow was very good, and the length was alright too.
    you managed to put the whole story into just few lines.
    i don't know what else to say about it.

    but you should start writing after this one!
    and i don't know, but if you could read it in a competition or something, i have a feeling it will go somewhere.

    Cheers

  • 6 years ago

    by Dragon Boy

    Wow!
    This was one strong poem!
    the flow was very good, and the length was alright too.
    you managed to put the whole story into just few lines.
    i don't know what else to say about it.

    but you should start writing after this one!
    and i don't know, but if you could read it in a competition or something, i have a feeling it will go somewhere.

    Cheers

  • 6 years ago

    by BlueJay

    There is a lot more than story to this piece. it is a very decent piece and the emotion is extraordinarily well penned and clear. your descriptions and imagery were decent as well.

  • 6 years ago

    by Randy Lee

    Time can be our enemy, and time can be our friend. I have missed you.

  • 6 years ago

    by Darclyfe

    A poem like this defines the word experience. Even saying the poem flows like an open book and this was woeful but amazing tale.

    5/5 Perfect
    Darclyfe :)

  • 4 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    I didn't like the last line, perhaps it belongs in parenthesis as just an emotional addition to the poem, but the rest of it was a spot on, grade A story. Wonderful job!

    5/5
    IdTakeABulletForYou

  • 4 years ago

    by DirgeVenustas

    This was absolutely incredible. It brings up images of an abusive relationship. It was perfect. Great story. Great rhyming, great story telling. It was emotional. Awesome. 10/10.