Now my first suggestion having to do with the first paragraph would be to change the commas in "Seconds turn to minutes, minutes turn to hours... ETC." to semicolons or to add conjunctive fragments to it (E. and then minutes turn to hours). The second thing would be to add a comma after "Embrace" in the first paragraph, and to add another comment after "Important" in the next paragraph because of the conjunctions that are already inserted.

I definitely feel I can relate to the situation described in this poem. I once spent a summer away from a girl that I truly did like after she and I spent the last summer before that together. I waited for her to come back that summer. I waited and waited to find that she would never come back. She wasn't there. I moved on eventually despite the scarring past that I suffered the year before and ended up socially contracting. That next year was awful.