Comments : You and I

  • 7 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    Title: This is an excellent title as it can mean a lot of things. "You and I" best friends? Lovers forever? Since you put this in the friendship category that tells me it's about that but it still could be a lot of ways you could have taken this.

    First- The detail here is fantastic. Each line holds a small part of the start you crafted. Trust is a very difficult thing to earn so when you can it's definitely worth it. Eyes are amazing to look at especially at night or in the moonlight. The attic is a great location because it's not used a lot. Okay this person is looking at the twinkling night, the stars and the moon, so that can say a lot, either they woke up and went to the attic, or their bedroom is in the attic and there is a glass ceiling. Either way it's a perfect description of a great night. The smile is also a lovely touch because of the happiness they both feel.

    Ending- This is such a beautiful scene you have painted for the reader through your eyes. Running in the park and dozing off, there is such love and friendship here. The twist at the end is great, you don't expect it to be a dig. You are the dog and you are looking through their eyes. Which is unique and difficult to pull off. But you did so well here. Dozing is a great word to use, because that's what dogs do. This poem I feel was crafted very well and nothing needs to be changed! Though I wish I could nominate, friendship poems we cannot. 5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by Mayday

    Okay, this is how I know you're good - lol - Because you had me TRULY convinced that this was from the heart, that you could put such tender little feelings and bouts of nostalgia and warmth into a poem you did as a challenge! Very good work, :D