I had one last chance
at picking up the remains,
the remains of yesterday.
The remains of a time
when love was my elegy,
a story of innocent serenity.
^
Love the opening stanza really adorable it's basically telling you what you did have a chance at doing but I'm not too fond with the whole lot of "I"s don't get me wrong it's beautiful saying that it's personal. Also I had to look up the defintion of "elegy" and found that it was a poem so it was so beautiful that you used the theme in which you put this poem in and saying that "love" was your poem very beautiful Hazel! A last note the line that I loved the most was the last one in this stanza

I had one last chance
as I stepped into her dark dreamland,
to make her remember
the times we'd shared, the love we had.
I remember still, one night in November,
when I was lifted to the sky,
on the wings of love's butterflies.
^
Again not a big fan of that many "I"s Hazel but still beautiful the imagery and the emotions grab your heart and makes you want to read till the end of the line of the stanza!
"the times we'd shared, the love we had."<- that line almost everyone can relate to it since we have all experienced it one way or another!

"when I was lifted to the sky,
on the wings of love's butterflies<- another adorable part in this stanza Hazel I love the visual it's just too pretty for words and I could see it so clearly in my mind!

I had one last chance
when he stepped into my dark dreamland,
to warn him not to stay, or I'd destroy his heart,
Poison it with dreams, delusional lullabies.
Music recreated by the wings of love's butterflies.
I tried to warn him, feed him the fruit of knowledge,
but he simply said no,I choose the fruit,
of the tree of life.
^
Nice spin of how a love can be. Most people are stupid in love (being a critic in love sorry love) and you showed it here since he didn't want to leave you yet you were showing him it wasn't safe nice!

Ah! If only she knew what would occur,
if she listened to her soul screaming"one last chance!"
She'd eat from the tree of life,
then the storm within would subside,
and my love's butterflies would lift her up,
and we would be, one once more.
^
Love will do that to you. Not listen to the reason inside your skull begging you, pleading, and even arguing to make the right choice but love will make you blind in many ways that will make you deaf and blind towards reason lovely stanza

Alas! It cannot be, one last chance has subsided.
^
Nice ending Hazel I love how you ended it. The last chance is now gone ah beautiful! 5/5

-Mori

I love you. This is a passionate story.