Comments : Nightmare Awakening

  • 5 years ago

    by gumshuda

    Oh wowwww... This poem is really very very dark. Love the bubble bubble bubble.... I guess that bubble is when you are putting all those things (fingers toes) into that cauldron. This poem really gave me the feeling of witches making their evil potions which I used to watch in the Disney fairytales. Love the poem...

  • 5 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This was a brilliant entry for the contest, and I really liked the repetition of the spell chant, this worked so well with the theme of the poem, and the challenge!

    You put a lot of interesting metaphors and images inside this poem, very realistic and spooky feeling throughout.

    swaying me to deaths rhythm.

    - deaths = death's

    I really like your ending also where you wish everyone else fun!

    Good work!

  • 5 years ago

    by ah satan 666


    I will be back, crazy week...

    I love what you did with this poem,
    I just kept thinking,
    " He's writing about my twisted side lol"

    Great write 5/5


    Dead mans toe,
    Bubble, bubble, bubble...
    A thousand bloody fingers,
    Bubble, bubble, bubble...
    My potion is ready,
    Bubble, bubble, bubble...
    My caldron is heavy,
    Bubble, bubble, bubble...
    Satan's fury,
    Bubble, bubble, bubble...
    Will be unleashed today.

    ^^ I personally think scary/dark writes start best with repetition...
    It sets the tone and the imagery...
    And with the wording, it's definitely creepy!

    Come inside dearie,
    don't be afraid.
    You're in a tombstone city,
    my humble abode and domain.
    What else could one need?
    Will you choose my trick or my treat?

    ^^ now this stanza made me think of Hansel and Gretel...
    But it's the devil doing the luring...
    Selling his home as a habitat you need in your life,
    As if he's doing you a favour.

    I stumbled upon,
    a path of skull cobblestones.
    Eerie red skies cover my horizon with gory pain.
    A moon lit cavern, my fortress
    or my deepest refrain?
    An old woman beckons me closer,
    like a doomed fly to a spiders fangs.

    ^^ the imagery here is awesome,
    I have a dark medieval battle ground
    In my head, skulls, other bones, blood...
    I just smiled :D

    Colours of the rainbow,
    Trick or treat?
    An ancient writers quill,
    Trick or treat?
    Answer my five questions,
    Trick or treat?
    Before death becomes you,
    my innocent little sweet!

    Warm yourself by my caldron.
    Cushion yourself on my
    chair of crawling worms and lice.
    For the night is young and
    the pumpkin pageant is soon to entice!

    ^^ now this stanza felt like you were taunting me,
    My words used against me...
    Worked very well with the repetition kiddo...

    Spellbound by deception,
    immersed within a sour tasting scream,
    a scarecrow damsel winks at me.
    She lures me onto a zombie dance floor,
    swaying me to deaths rhythm.
    Candles burning funeral tears,
    as the night is smudged into a
    formed reverie.

    ^^ I love the imagery here,
    It's almost playful,
    Yet, sarcastic...
    "Candles burning funeral tears,
    as the night is smudged into a
    formed reverie."...
    Very creative way to portray a dream
    Or maybe with the tone of this
    Poem, a nightmare?...
    That short piece gave me
    inspiration for a tattoo design :)

    Dead mans toe,
    Bubble, bubble, bubble...
    A thousand bloody fingers,
    Bubble, bubble, bubble...
    My potion is ready,
    Bubble, bubble, bubble...
    Happy Halloween everybody!
    Hope you have fun,
    I know I will.

    ^^ love the chanting that ends this piece,
    Felt like you were writing about my twisted side lol...

    Thank you for taking part in my challenge...
    Was a pleasure reading this,
    In my favourites :D

  • 5 years ago

    by uttAm

    Scary huh.... Great write!!

  • 5 years ago

    by ah satan 666


    Nominated!!! :D

  • 5 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    First: Normally I don't like refrains in poems but here it works really well. The start of this seems to be a witch stirring her cauldron. And each time she puts a different object in, the cauldron bubbles, that to me holds great imagery. And with adding Satan's fury it holds an evil and darkness that is brewing.

    Second: A little child walks up to the witches door asking for some candy it seems and doesn't realize what they are in for. They were tricked into thinking they would get a treat. The witch puts on her "nice" face per say and acts lovely and sweet but only we know what is happening.

    Third: Omg, it seems like you put yourself as the narrator and you used double view points of the child and witch, here the child is hesitant on going over to the witch. The imagery is lovely because it gives the poem a dark and eerie feeling about it. Like skulls and red skies, beautiful work here.

    Fourth- Back to the witch and she is trying to do anything to get the child into her house and become her treat. This is where the witch becomes evil. It seems like is in thought right now, and wants to kill the boy or girl so she can have her treat, very dark tone here!

    Fifth: Still the witches perspective, and back to her nice phase where she is talking to the child again and wanting them to feel comfortable with the house, I do like the warmth line, because it's in the season where it is nippy outside so that would entice anyone to come inside and stay warm.

    Sixth- Now the child is under the witches spell and is forever gone, the word play here though is great. With any poem you want to use words that enhance the poem to capture the readers attention and you have done well here, with zombie, death and all that.

    Ending: Back to the final witches perspective. I love how you told the story and wrapped up the story with refraining the first stanza. You did well to have the witch "win" and have fun. This poem was thorough and well thought out, great work. 5/5